In October 1988 President Ronald Regan proclaimed October as Natioanl Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. October 15th was named the day of Rememberance for all the babies lost to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, birth defects, SIDS and other causes. Many families experience this grief in silence. Although it seems we have a day for everything, I think this is a good way to look at a silent type of grief and despair many families go through year after year.
It is asked that everybody light a candle this evening and let it burn for an hour in Rememberance of these babies. Chris and I did so and said a prayer for our Hope as well as our future child and the many families we know that have also lost a child and even the ones that we don't know. We ask that you take a moment to do the same, if you are not reading this on October 15th, that's ok, do it anyways. We believe life begins at conception so no matter how far along during pregnancy, if you lose a baby, it is the death of a child.
Some of you know that Chris and I have continued with Infertility treatment since our miscarriage, having two procedures since the miscarriage. This last round the doctor added MANY injectables, which meant a lot of shots and ultrasounds and doctors appointments and bloodwork and trips to Cincinatti. Well, we found out September 8th we were NOT pregnant. This was devastating to say the least. I went completely numb for several days, Chris felt deflated. I couldn't rebound this time and Chris let me know he felt the same way. I remember just feeling speechless, for days I couldn't get angry, I couldn't cry, I couldn't come up with a plan. I knew we were going to have to skip trying for September because we were out of town.
Eventually the tears, the anger, the questioning, the despair and many other emotions came. Along with those emotions came difficult talks between Chris and I. First of all, I am so very fortunate to have the husband I do. We have decided to wait a while to continue with infertility treatment. This DOES NOT MEAN WE GIVE UP!!!! We really need a break mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. We will definitely come back to infertility treatment next year, we just need a few months to regroup.
I personally want to take some time to make sure I'm healthy and fit. Most importantly Chris and I want to make sure our journey for a baby is not getting in the way of our relationship with God and we continue to strengthen our relationship with our Heavenly Father and not let a desire for a baby become an idle. We have no doubt God has called us to be parents and we do not know why he has not allowed us to have a baby yet but we are trying to trust in his timing and we ask for your prayers in that as well.
While months might not seem like much time to some, in the infertility world, it is like decades, so choosing to take months off is a very well thought out, dedicated, prayer led decision. Continue to pray for our healing from the loss of our baby Hope as we still find our grief overwhelms us at times and please pray for our upcoming infertility treatments in the future or that we could conceive naturally!
Your support does not go unnoticed and we are so blessed to have such great friends, thank you, thank you, thank you for all you do for us.
"Wait for The Lord, Be brave and courageous and wait patiently for The Lord" Psalm 27:14
Monday, October 15, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Blessed through Infertility
I never thought I would use the word Blessed and Infertility in the same sentence. However, I have had the privilege of getting to know women and their stories, both infertile and not, because of this journey. I can now accept, although not always with a happy heart, that God has given me this battle for a reason. I don't think I will know all the reasons quickly, I think I will only see glimpses of them throughout my life. I know that issues involving infertility will always be close to my heart, even after I conceive a baby (because it will happen). I also know Hope's death was for a reason too, because God has a plan and a purpose!
I have so many people to thank for the fundraiser last Friday! First of all, Carrie for opening her house up, Christina for providing such wonderful food and the consultants with Miche (Erin Veasey), Just Jewelry(Gina Karnes) and Jamberry Nails(Melissa Wilder). These consultants gave their time and portions of their own commission for Preserving Hope; If anybody would ever like to host their own party, I highly recommend these women. Most of all I want to say thank you so very much for the women who came and supported me. I'm not just talking about coming and buying something but those who gave me such kind words and hope and prayer. Women I didn't even know came to support this cause, WOW! Thank you just doesn't seem like an adequate word.
Well, Chris and I have been going back and forth to Cincinnati lately, I've been taking many shots of hormones along with other medicine. Chris has been amazing through all of this. As a friend and colleague of mine, who is a doctor, said, "I've given plenty of shots but giving your wife a shot is totally different". Chris has really struggled with having to give these shots and watch my body go through the havoc of all the hormones but he has done anything I have asked because in the end our goal and dream is the same, a baby.
I don't think many people realize how much infertility affects the husband. Though we do not have any male factor infertility issues, this journey has been just as difficult for my husband. He has often placed his own feelings aside to be strong for me, something he has never been asked to do, but does so willingly and unselfishly. Watching your wife make numerous drives and driving with her as well as trying to figure out how to come up with the money and administering medication, watching her cry and grieve while also losing a child in the process is no easy task.
If you know anybody in your life that is going through infertility I encourage you to take the time to also pray for and check in with the husband, who often goes unlooked. I guarantee he is hurting as well and could use any positive support offered. I just want to say thank you so much Chris, you have been everything I have needed during this process and I could not ask for a more Godly husband and best friend.
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails" Proverbs 19:21
Have a blessed week and thank you thank you to all those that have supported Chris and I in some way along our journey.
I have so many people to thank for the fundraiser last Friday! First of all, Carrie for opening her house up, Christina for providing such wonderful food and the consultants with Miche (Erin Veasey), Just Jewelry(Gina Karnes) and Jamberry Nails(Melissa Wilder). These consultants gave their time and portions of their own commission for Preserving Hope; If anybody would ever like to host their own party, I highly recommend these women. Most of all I want to say thank you so very much for the women who came and supported me. I'm not just talking about coming and buying something but those who gave me such kind words and hope and prayer. Women I didn't even know came to support this cause, WOW! Thank you just doesn't seem like an adequate word.
Well, Chris and I have been going back and forth to Cincinnati lately, I've been taking many shots of hormones along with other medicine. Chris has been amazing through all of this. As a friend and colleague of mine, who is a doctor, said, "I've given plenty of shots but giving your wife a shot is totally different". Chris has really struggled with having to give these shots and watch my body go through the havoc of all the hormones but he has done anything I have asked because in the end our goal and dream is the same, a baby.
I don't think many people realize how much infertility affects the husband. Though we do not have any male factor infertility issues, this journey has been just as difficult for my husband. He has often placed his own feelings aside to be strong for me, something he has never been asked to do, but does so willingly and unselfishly. Watching your wife make numerous drives and driving with her as well as trying to figure out how to come up with the money and administering medication, watching her cry and grieve while also losing a child in the process is no easy task.
If you know anybody in your life that is going through infertility I encourage you to take the time to also pray for and check in with the husband, who often goes unlooked. I guarantee he is hurting as well and could use any positive support offered. I just want to say thank you so much Chris, you have been everything I have needed during this process and I could not ask for a more Godly husband and best friend.
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails" Proverbs 19:21
Have a blessed week and thank you thank you to all those that have supported Chris and I in some way along our journey.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
A Letter from my Journal
Just thought I share a very intimate piece of me with you all today. I was reading back through my journal that I have kept through this process and I came across a letter that made me smile in some ways...I thought I'd let you have a peek:
2/5/12
Precious One,
Today at Church a man was baptizing his son and he said, "we have prayed for you before you were born". Well, sweet baby I want you to know that your daddy and I have prayed for you since before you were conceived. We have loved you before you were a plan when you were merely a long off dream. We have loved you through every test, every exam, every ounce of bad news, through shots, medication and each second of waiting. You have become our child more and more with each prayer. We will continue to love you through each procedure or doctor visit or drive to Cinicinatti. You are already our child. You are already in our heart and one day you will be in our arms. We love you precious one, Mommy
We still feel this way and fight to stay the course God has for us! Blessings through out your week.
2/5/12
Precious One,
Today at Church a man was baptizing his son and he said, "we have prayed for you before you were born". Well, sweet baby I want you to know that your daddy and I have prayed for you since before you were conceived. We have loved you before you were a plan when you were merely a long off dream. We have loved you through every test, every exam, every ounce of bad news, through shots, medication and each second of waiting. You have become our child more and more with each prayer. We will continue to love you through each procedure or doctor visit or drive to Cinicinatti. You are already our child. You are already in our heart and one day you will be in our arms. We love you precious one, Mommy
We still feel this way and fight to stay the course God has for us! Blessings through out your week.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Keeping Hope Alive...
Hello All,
Chris and I have slowly entered back into the land of the living. I have had a longing to post on my blog for a while now, but when I read my last post it was so sad for me and has kept me at bay for a while. I first have to say Thank You, Thank You, Thank You to all of our supporters. We have had such an outpouring of support and we are so truly grateful for the people in our lives that have prayed, listened, sent food, gifts, and spent many hours consoling us. None of your thoughts and/or actions were over looked once. I feel so blessed when I look at our support group and our surroundings.
If you read the previous post you know that we named our baby, that we miscarried, Hope. It seemed very appropriate and has brought me so much comfort. I still think of Hope often, well daily. I still cry weekly and I talk to God about her and write in my journal to her. Chris has tried his hardest to be strong but he deeply grieves as well and recently admitted that this has affected him more than he ever dreamed something would. We both consider ourselves parents of an angel and even if she just lived in my tummy for a little while, she was precious to me and I will see her again in Heaven. I would have been 17 weeks yesterday.
I am reminded of a song, "Glory Baby" by Watermark that heaven will hold her before we do and she will hear lullabies by angels and never know the troubles of this world, wow, I am grateful for that! Who better to rock my baby to sleep then her heavenly father and the loved ones that have gone before us. Many people may not believe this idea, but we do and not just as a fairy tale but as truth, so I thank you for respecting our thoughts and beliefs.
Well, as hard as it is, we plan to get back onto the fertility track. We needed a break and I'm not sure if we are ready but if we wait to heal completely, that will never happen. Many of you may wonder about our faith. It would be fair to say we have both struggled with God's decision to bring Hope home, but surprisingly he guided us through the whole process and we can not be angry or wonder why anymore. Anger was never even the primary emotion, just hurt, discouragement and wonder. His word says:
"In this world you will have troubles, but take heart, I have overcome the world" John 16:33
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Chronicles 12:9
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" Matthew 5:4
I recently read an amazing book, "Hannah's Hope" in the book, Jennifer Saake wrote It is easy to trust when God's ways mesh perfectly with my plans. But it is only when reality collides with my preconceptions that my faith is tried and proved. This is true for Chris and I, we can not waver on our faith simply because things didn't turn out how we wanted. I know God's plan is bigger and better and I can't wait to see what he has in store for us, we trust it will be amazing.
Again, thanks for hanging in there with us and please continue your prayers and support. With much love in our heart, Amy and Chris :)
Chris and I have slowly entered back into the land of the living. I have had a longing to post on my blog for a while now, but when I read my last post it was so sad for me and has kept me at bay for a while. I first have to say Thank You, Thank You, Thank You to all of our supporters. We have had such an outpouring of support and we are so truly grateful for the people in our lives that have prayed, listened, sent food, gifts, and spent many hours consoling us. None of your thoughts and/or actions were over looked once. I feel so blessed when I look at our support group and our surroundings.
If you read the previous post you know that we named our baby, that we miscarried, Hope. It seemed very appropriate and has brought me so much comfort. I still think of Hope often, well daily. I still cry weekly and I talk to God about her and write in my journal to her. Chris has tried his hardest to be strong but he deeply grieves as well and recently admitted that this has affected him more than he ever dreamed something would. We both consider ourselves parents of an angel and even if she just lived in my tummy for a little while, she was precious to me and I will see her again in Heaven. I would have been 17 weeks yesterday.
I am reminded of a song, "Glory Baby" by Watermark that heaven will hold her before we do and she will hear lullabies by angels and never know the troubles of this world, wow, I am grateful for that! Who better to rock my baby to sleep then her heavenly father and the loved ones that have gone before us. Many people may not believe this idea, but we do and not just as a fairy tale but as truth, so I thank you for respecting our thoughts and beliefs.
Well, as hard as it is, we plan to get back onto the fertility track. We needed a break and I'm not sure if we are ready but if we wait to heal completely, that will never happen. Many of you may wonder about our faith. It would be fair to say we have both struggled with God's decision to bring Hope home, but surprisingly he guided us through the whole process and we can not be angry or wonder why anymore. Anger was never even the primary emotion, just hurt, discouragement and wonder. His word says:
"In this world you will have troubles, but take heart, I have overcome the world" John 16:33
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Chronicles 12:9
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" Matthew 5:4
I recently read an amazing book, "Hannah's Hope" in the book, Jennifer Saake wrote It is easy to trust when God's ways mesh perfectly with my plans. But it is only when reality collides with my preconceptions that my faith is tried and proved. This is true for Chris and I, we can not waver on our faith simply because things didn't turn out how we wanted. I know God's plan is bigger and better and I can't wait to see what he has in store for us, we trust it will be amazing.
Again, thanks for hanging in there with us and please continue your prayers and support. With much love in our heart, Amy and Chris :)
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Goodbye Baby Hope
Many of you may not be aware that on May 3, 2012 Chris and I realized we were finally pregnant! Our second super-stem IUI had worked! I was supposed to take a test May 1, 2012 but it said "not pregnant" so before calling the doctor to ask if he wanted me to start progesterone to get me to start (since I still had not started my period and had no signs) I knew he would ask me to take another test. So that Thursday afternoon after laying down for a bit because I was was so tired and while Chris was out weed-eating the yard I took a test and it immediately came up "pregnant", a word I had only dreamed of seeing. I stared at it and then found my shoes and went running to the front yard, with my pregnancy test to show Chris, I was able to say the words I had longed to say, "your going to be a daddy". He was so happy and excited, we hugged and cried in the front yard (no telling what the neighbors thought).
The next Friday Chris graduated with his doctorate in interdisciplinary studies with a focus in criminal justice. I could not have been prouder of my husband and all God's timing seemed to be perfect. We then began to tell our friends and family. Excitement does not capture the word everybody felt. For a little over a week I was the happiest I have ever been in my life. I remember thinking all felt right and good and at peace and the only one I had to thank was God and I was very grateful.
On Mother's day I started cramping and slightly bleeding, the doctors felt it was just my uterus growing as I was not bleeding a lot. However the cramping was very severe. Through the whole next week I cramped (sometimes so severe I could only lay in a fetal position) and I bled some (never enough though to make them fear I was having a miscarriage). I had just come to the conclusion that unfortunately I was going to be one of those people that just cramped and bled some through my first trimester. I had been able to put the idea of a miscarriage out of my mind though. Besides I had no other problems, no morning sickness or any other unfortunate symptoms.
Friday, May 18, 2012 was our first OB appointment in Cincinnati where we would have an ultrasound and hear a heart beat (maybe even more than one). I started cramping kind of heavily again on our way to Cincinnati, but the excitement of hearing our baby's heart beat erased the concern from the cramps. After going into the room and getting ready for the ultrasound the doctor came in an began looking around, what was probably only minutes felt like an hour of him looking and saying "just a minute". Finally he told me to sit up, I had not heard the heart beat yet and he had not pointed anything out to me so I immediately began to cry. We had miscarried. 2 years of trying to conceive, many shots, pills, drives to Cincinnati, blood, ultrasounds, etc... and we miscarried.
All I remember from there was crying with Chris, who held me and just cried with me. The doctor gave some medical talk about how it wasn't my fault and at least we were able to get pregnant but all I could think was that my baby was gone. The pain continued from the extreme cramps on our 2 hour journey home from Cincinnati. I have never been in such physical and emotional plain at the same time. The cramps only got worse until I finally "passed" our baby later that night.
At this time I know all the answers people say, it wasn't time, something must have been wrong with the baby, God needed her, etc... I felt strongly that it was a girl and I do not know why, but Chris and I agreed on that. We named her Hope. She was a real person, a real baby and we grieve her desperately as we try to go through the day to day tasks that still require our attention.
I feel numb and disappointed and in disbelief and whatever the word is for a sadness that consumes your whole body and makes you ache inside. Right now, the only verse I can hear is " Be still and know that I am God". Being still is all I am capable of right now.
Chris and I will try again as soon as we are able. We just wanted to update people and let them know we continue to appreciate your prayers, your thoughts, your kind words and time. At this time we just need our time to grieve the loss of our precious baby. I would have been 7 weeks today. Please continue to pray for us.
We love you Hope, you will always be our first child and you will never be forgotten.
Take time to listen to this song if you can: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e01hk1BRYqM
The next Friday Chris graduated with his doctorate in interdisciplinary studies with a focus in criminal justice. I could not have been prouder of my husband and all God's timing seemed to be perfect. We then began to tell our friends and family. Excitement does not capture the word everybody felt. For a little over a week I was the happiest I have ever been in my life. I remember thinking all felt right and good and at peace and the only one I had to thank was God and I was very grateful.
On Mother's day I started cramping and slightly bleeding, the doctors felt it was just my uterus growing as I was not bleeding a lot. However the cramping was very severe. Through the whole next week I cramped (sometimes so severe I could only lay in a fetal position) and I bled some (never enough though to make them fear I was having a miscarriage). I had just come to the conclusion that unfortunately I was going to be one of those people that just cramped and bled some through my first trimester. I had been able to put the idea of a miscarriage out of my mind though. Besides I had no other problems, no morning sickness or any other unfortunate symptoms.
Friday, May 18, 2012 was our first OB appointment in Cincinnati where we would have an ultrasound and hear a heart beat (maybe even more than one). I started cramping kind of heavily again on our way to Cincinnati, but the excitement of hearing our baby's heart beat erased the concern from the cramps. After going into the room and getting ready for the ultrasound the doctor came in an began looking around, what was probably only minutes felt like an hour of him looking and saying "just a minute". Finally he told me to sit up, I had not heard the heart beat yet and he had not pointed anything out to me so I immediately began to cry. We had miscarried. 2 years of trying to conceive, many shots, pills, drives to Cincinnati, blood, ultrasounds, etc... and we miscarried.
All I remember from there was crying with Chris, who held me and just cried with me. The doctor gave some medical talk about how it wasn't my fault and at least we were able to get pregnant but all I could think was that my baby was gone. The pain continued from the extreme cramps on our 2 hour journey home from Cincinnati. I have never been in such physical and emotional plain at the same time. The cramps only got worse until I finally "passed" our baby later that night.
At this time I know all the answers people say, it wasn't time, something must have been wrong with the baby, God needed her, etc... I felt strongly that it was a girl and I do not know why, but Chris and I agreed on that. We named her Hope. She was a real person, a real baby and we grieve her desperately as we try to go through the day to day tasks that still require our attention.
I feel numb and disappointed and in disbelief and whatever the word is for a sadness that consumes your whole body and makes you ache inside. Right now, the only verse I can hear is " Be still and know that I am God". Being still is all I am capable of right now.
Chris and I will try again as soon as we are able. We just wanted to update people and let them know we continue to appreciate your prayers, your thoughts, your kind words and time. At this time we just need our time to grieve the loss of our precious baby. I would have been 7 weeks today. Please continue to pray for us.
We love you Hope, you will always be our first child and you will never be forgotten.
Take time to listen to this song if you can: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e01hk1BRYqM
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Taking A Break...
Thought I'd just update you all. Chris and I are taking a break from some things right now, including some issues with infertility . We appreciate all your prayers and ask that you please continue praying for us. We will gladly accept calls with questions or support. We are still very hopeful in our dreams coming true and God blessing us with a baby. Thank all of you for your encouragement, prayers and unbelievable support. Talk with you all soon. Blessings!
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Friday, March 23, 2012
Can I Borrow Your Faith For A While?
Well, Monday's procedure went great, Chris and I were even able to have a nice breakfast together in Cincinnati. We were there for about 2 hours. The procedure was only slightly uncomfortable but two hours after leaving, I was hit with the worst cramps that lasted through the day. I feel good now and right now we just wait.
A friend told me recently that my faith was contagious. That is probably the nicest compliment I've ever gotten. I feel I have manged to have a lot of faith and hope through this experience, however, if I'm being completely honest, right now is not one of those times. I trust God, I really do, but since having the IUI on Monday, I am stuck somewhere in between believing this is really going to happen AND it's going to happen after just this one try and between protecting myself and not getting my hopes up at all because the thought of seeing one more "not pregnant" sign on a stick makes me want to crawl out of my skin!!!
I feel like I should be happy and anticipating something great since Monday but I have felt worse since Monday...weird, huh? I'm ok with being sad and I know this is only a season in my life, this too shall pass, right?!?! However, what I can do is ask for mega prayers, I am hoping that each one of you will read this and will pass it on to one or more other person to simply pray that God will plant a miracle inside of me after this first try of IUI and we will finally see or hear the words "you are pregnant". I hope that is not asking to much, I believe so much in the power of prayer so I am begging that I can get as many of you and your friends and family to pray. Also, if you have a scripture verse that has really helped you in troubling times or you think would help me please write it down in the comment section on this blog or on my facebook. Your support means so much to Chris and I and the littlest words have helped.
I am so grateful to all the people who have stood by Chris and I and supported us through love and kindness. Please know we have not forgotten about all the blessings God has given us. I have several copies of "How To Love Someone Who Is Infertile", if you would like to purchase one for $10, please let me know and I will get it right to you. Shari DeGraff Stewart has kindly donated these books to me to sell so my friends and family can learn. This book is a masterpiece...I have one friend that I know has read it and it has made all the difference in the world in her ability to understand me.
Thanks and Blessings to you all!
A friend told me recently that my faith was contagious. That is probably the nicest compliment I've ever gotten. I feel I have manged to have a lot of faith and hope through this experience, however, if I'm being completely honest, right now is not one of those times. I trust God, I really do, but since having the IUI on Monday, I am stuck somewhere in between believing this is really going to happen AND it's going to happen after just this one try and between protecting myself and not getting my hopes up at all because the thought of seeing one more "not pregnant" sign on a stick makes me want to crawl out of my skin!!!
I feel like I should be happy and anticipating something great since Monday but I have felt worse since Monday...weird, huh? I'm ok with being sad and I know this is only a season in my life, this too shall pass, right?!?! However, what I can do is ask for mega prayers, I am hoping that each one of you will read this and will pass it on to one or more other person to simply pray that God will plant a miracle inside of me after this first try of IUI and we will finally see or hear the words "you are pregnant". I hope that is not asking to much, I believe so much in the power of prayer so I am begging that I can get as many of you and your friends and family to pray. Also, if you have a scripture verse that has really helped you in troubling times or you think would help me please write it down in the comment section on this blog or on my facebook. Your support means so much to Chris and I and the littlest words have helped.
I am so grateful to all the people who have stood by Chris and I and supported us through love and kindness. Please know we have not forgotten about all the blessings God has given us. I have several copies of "How To Love Someone Who Is Infertile", if you would like to purchase one for $10, please let me know and I will get it right to you. Shari DeGraff Stewart has kindly donated these books to me to sell so my friends and family can learn. This book is a masterpiece...I have one friend that I know has read it and it has made all the difference in the world in her ability to understand me.
Thanks and Blessings to you all!
Friday, March 16, 2012
All Faith or Nothing at All
Well, we went back to Cincinnati again yesterday (Thursday) to have yet another ultrasound to see how many follicles I had and how big they were (fancy language for when to take the shot and come in for the IUI). Everything is looking good. I will take my shot tomorrow and Chris and I will drive to Cincinnati early Monday morning for the procedure. The IUI does not take long once it is injected but the process will take a couple hours. We are hopeful in God's ability to create a life using the meds and doctors but we understand the percentage is low for us to conceive with an IUI the first try, however, we serve a mighty God so if He wants it to happen on the first try then it will (can I get an amen, lol)!
So many people have asked me lately how I feel, if I'm excited, anxious, weary, skeptical, emotional, optimistic, pessimistic etc... Well, what best describes me right now (and I think Chris too) is waiting. That is the best word I can come up with to describe my feelings at this time, waiting on the Lord.
"Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord" Psalm 27:14
"The vision is set for the appointed time...Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay" Habakkuk 2:3
"The process of waiting for a message from God can be as important as the message itself. In waiting, my faith and intimacy with the Lord grow. Often something I learn while waiting prepares me for the message so that I am not as surprised by it as I might have been otherwise; thus, I am more willing to obey" -Priscilla Shirer from Discerning the Voice of God
These are verses and quotes that I believe in so I'm trying (not that I'm perfect at it) to figure out what I am supposed to get out of this struggle and especially what I am supposed to learn in the waiting period. I ask that you all please pray for me to have ears to hear and eyes to see whatever God wants me to learn from all this.
On another note, if any of you are on pinterest, please follow my infertility board. There is great inspiration, knowledge, faith and power offered on there. I have included a link to an AMAZING song and video: http://youtu.be/JqfGqOx2iDQ This is the only song I've heard that is specifically talking about infertility and as many of you know music really speaks to me. I really hope you will take a few minutes to listen and watch the video, hopefully it will speak to you in some way too.
Blessings!
So many people have asked me lately how I feel, if I'm excited, anxious, weary, skeptical, emotional, optimistic, pessimistic etc... Well, what best describes me right now (and I think Chris too) is waiting. That is the best word I can come up with to describe my feelings at this time, waiting on the Lord.
"Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord" Psalm 27:14
"The vision is set for the appointed time...Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay" Habakkuk 2:3
"The process of waiting for a message from God can be as important as the message itself. In waiting, my faith and intimacy with the Lord grow. Often something I learn while waiting prepares me for the message so that I am not as surprised by it as I might have been otherwise; thus, I am more willing to obey" -Priscilla Shirer from Discerning the Voice of God
These are verses and quotes that I believe in so I'm trying (not that I'm perfect at it) to figure out what I am supposed to get out of this struggle and especially what I am supposed to learn in the waiting period. I ask that you all please pray for me to have ears to hear and eyes to see whatever God wants me to learn from all this.
On another note, if any of you are on pinterest, please follow my infertility board. There is great inspiration, knowledge, faith and power offered on there. I have included a link to an AMAZING song and video: http://youtu.be/JqfGqOx2iDQ This is the only song I've heard that is specifically talking about infertility and as many of you know music really speaks to me. I really hope you will take a few minutes to listen and watch the video, hopefully it will speak to you in some way too.
Blessings!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
All Good News So Far!
Well, I went to Cincinnati today (my mother-in-law accompanied me) and my Ovaries are finally back to a normal size and looking good so that means I can proceed with the IUI this month. Our next appointment is next Thurs where they will check me again and tell me the exact day to give myself a shot and when to come back in for the procedure, which will probably be that Monday 3/19. I have been told it is rare implantation occurs on the first try but the good thing is, I serve a mighty God and I believe if it is his will he can make it happen! So for now that is our prayer. Thank you is not a big enough word to explain our appreciation for all your prayers!
"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the maker of all things." Ecclesiastes 11:5
"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the maker of all things." Ecclesiastes 11:5
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Baby or Bust!
I just wanted to let everybody know our next step. This week, I will call my doctor, Dr. Scheiber in Cincinnati, on the first day of my cycle. He will have me come in that same day or the next day and he will perform an ultrasound of my ovaries to see if they have shrunk to normal size. If they have returned to normal size then I will begin more medication on day 3 and he will also tell me when to take a shot to promote ovulation. Then he will call us and tell us exactly when to come in for him to perform a super stim IUI. To learn more about an IUI you can go to: http://www.fertilityplus.org/faq/iui.html this site answers a lot of questions about IUI's but does not go into much detail about a super stim IUI, which varies a little (mainly with cost).
We hope that you will be praying for us this week and would like to say thank you in advance for all your prayers and kind words. We can definitely feel your prayers and thoughts upon us. So many of you have reached out and really taken the time to educate yourself and support us. Thank you will never be enough!
"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28-31
Blessing!
We hope that you will be praying for us this week and would like to say thank you in advance for all your prayers and kind words. We can definitely feel your prayers and thoughts upon us. So many of you have reached out and really taken the time to educate yourself and support us. Thank you will never be enough!
"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28-31
Blessing!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Blessings!
"I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; and I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you..." Genesis 12:2-3
I am overflowing with blessings right now. Last night was the first Preserving Hope fundraiser and I am so pleased!! I have to first thank the many, many people that made it happen. Christina opened up her home and provided wonderful food and showed she had the patience of a saint by answering question after question about thirty-one gifts and taking everybody's orders...I can not tell you what a blessing you are to me Christina, I love you! Several others helped with crafts and/or donations...Carol Lozier (you are the one who got this ball rolling and wouldn't let me give up), Kelly and Brett Foster, Carrie Davis (CDs donation), George and Susie Hughes, Roberta Swinney, Christina Green and Shari Stewart (books donation). Also, I especially want to thank everybody that came to the party and showed me so much love and support, I was overwhelmed by all your kind words.
Here are some pictures from the night. Thank you all so much!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
LETS HAVE A PARTY...
Please make sure to read the other post from today but wanted to share some other information:
Thirty-One Party 2/24/2011
My precious friend Christina Green is holding a thirty-one party for me and 30% of the proceeds will go towards help with infertility costs for Chris and I!!! Also, I will be selling many crafts I have made and friends and family have made and all the proceeds of craft sales will help Chris and I with infertility costs! I will be selling items such as frames, signs, decorative windows, necklaces, mini note pads, journals, candles, beautiful decorative gourds, prayer journals, homemade coffee sleeves, jewelry holders and much much more!!! Most of you should have received invites by today but if not please contact me or write a comment and I will give you the information. If you are not familiar with thirty-one products please visit http://www.thirtyonegifts.com/. One more thing if you would like to place an order but can not attend the party just send me a list of what you would like to order!
This will be a fun relaxed time so please come hang out that Friday evening, around 6:30 or so and just have some fun and maybe go home with a few treasures! Look forwrd to seeing you!
Thirty-One Party 2/24/2011
My precious friend Christina Green is holding a thirty-one party for me and 30% of the proceeds will go towards help with infertility costs for Chris and I!!! Also, I will be selling many crafts I have made and friends and family have made and all the proceeds of craft sales will help Chris and I with infertility costs! I will be selling items such as frames, signs, decorative windows, necklaces, mini note pads, journals, candles, beautiful decorative gourds, prayer journals, homemade coffee sleeves, jewelry holders and much much more!!! Most of you should have received invites by today but if not please contact me or write a comment and I will give you the information. If you are not familiar with thirty-one products please visit http://www.thirtyonegifts.com/. One more thing if you would like to place an order but can not attend the party just send me a list of what you would like to order!
This will be a fun relaxed time so please come hang out that Friday evening, around 6:30 or so and just have some fun and maybe go home with a few treasures! Look forwrd to seeing you!
Infertility will not break me...
I will admit a part of my life will always be changed because of my walk through infertility. I'm not trying to be dramatic or catastrophize by any means but it is true. I realized today that I feel a little piece of me died once I accepted that I was infertile (The saying goes, acceptance is the answer to all your problems). I've spent the day trying to figure out how to awake the part of me that died so I can move forward but I realize now, with God's help, that I just need to grieve that piece of me that died and move forward instead of trying to recreate it. If I allow myself to accept the loss then I can move forward more completely and find the new me that God has created. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9.
I can't explain the loss completely but God knows my heart and I am satisfied with that conclusion. I just need to say loud and clearly for everybody, mainly myself, that....
Infertility Will NOT Break Me!!
Because God and I won't allow it to. "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken" Ecclesiastes 4:12
Thank you all for your prayers, please, please keep it up, that is the greatest gift you can give Chris and I. Also, if you have not yet had time to watch the video from my last post, please, please read it, it will explain so much to you that I could not begin to put in words. Blessing!
I can't explain the loss completely but God knows my heart and I am satisfied with that conclusion. I just need to say loud and clearly for everybody, mainly myself, that....
Infertility Will NOT Break Me!!
Because God and I won't allow it to. "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken" Ecclesiastes 4:12
Thank you all for your prayers, please, please keep it up, that is the greatest gift you can give Chris and I. Also, if you have not yet had time to watch the video from my last post, please, please read it, it will explain so much to you that I could not begin to put in words. Blessing!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Empty Arms-PLEASE READ
Not everyday can be a good day I guess. These past few days have been a little harder than some. Nothing happened or changed, sometimes the reality of it all just hits us. I still have tons of hope and trust in the Lord but some days what I really need to do is cry and it be ok.
Chris and I watched a video today on "tears and hope". I am asking each of you to please, please watch the video on this website: http://www.tearsandhope.com/. When you go to the website please just click to watch the empty arms video. Again thanks to all those praying, we deeply appreciate it.
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" Romans 12:12
Bessings!
Chris and I watched a video today on "tears and hope". I am asking each of you to please, please watch the video on this website: http://www.tearsandhope.com/. When you go to the website please just click to watch the empty arms video. Again thanks to all those praying, we deeply appreciate it.
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" Romans 12:12
Bessings!
Friday, February 3, 2012
Infertility is NOT a bad word!
Hello All! Sorry its been over a week since my last post. I was talking to some friends lately about the many different views and opinions on infertility. We were discussing how some people almost back away from discussion about infertility and others consider it a family matter that you "just don't talk about" outside of the marriage.
First of all let me say that infertility is a medical diagnosis, its not a mental problem, its not all about issues with worrying or trying too hard or not trying enough or anxiety or patience etc, etc. A friend of mine, who has two beautiful children through invitro and is the author of "Do You Love Someone Who is Infertile", Shari Stewart, told me a while back that 90% of the cause of infertility are purely medical reasons. So why don't we talk about it, why do we treat it like a bad word? We talk about cancer and diabetes and every other disorder, syndrome or diagnosis that's out there...but infertility, not so much!
I completely understand it's very personal and emotional, and I think it is a woman's choice whether she wants to talk about it or not...but often times it is the people around the infertile woman that doesn't talk about it or "hushes" the infertile. Some people may just feel uncomfortable about it, they may have their own issues from the past or they may not be very educated on infertility or know what to say. I would bet that most of us know someone that has infertility problems. I can only speak from my personal feelings, but if you don't know what to say or are uneducated about infertility, you don't have to give a profound response or say something that you think might help the person (when really it probably doesn't). You can simply be there to love them, hear them, give them a hug, check in on them , ask how you can help, pray for and with them, etc.
I was reading online and came across a comment on the website http://www.thebump.com/ It had a very interesting comment under the title of "Infertility is not a bad word" (I found this after naming this post the same thing). Here is what it says:
"It is not an accusation.
It is not a label.
It is not a life sentence.
It does not define a woman or man or couple.
It is a medical diagnosis.
Diabetes is not called "Trouble controlling blood sugar", nor is cancer called "difficulty keeping cell division in check."
We say "Infertility!" in badges. We refer to ourselves as "infertiles" in posts.
We already know that we are more than our medical diagnosis - we are students and wives and employees and sisters and daughters and friends and some are even mothers.
But we share a common bond in that we are infertile.
It's OK to say it. It's OK to read it. It is our common struggle against which to take up arms."
I'm not sure if I could of said it better. It is OK to talk about it! It's not a bad word!
There is a great website http://www.infertilitysurvivalguide.com/issues/chapter13.htm and it shows how much God talked about or stories were shared about infertility, there are 300 plus women written in scripture regarding infertility! God certainly had no trouble talking about it. Sarah, Rebecca, Racheal, Hannah, Elizabeth, these are just a few of the Godly women the dealt with infertility. If you have time, take a few minutes to look of their stories.
In the meantime these are the words I hope to shout one day:
"I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him." 1Samuel 1:27
Have a Blessed weekend!
First of all let me say that infertility is a medical diagnosis, its not a mental problem, its not all about issues with worrying or trying too hard or not trying enough or anxiety or patience etc, etc. A friend of mine, who has two beautiful children through invitro and is the author of "Do You Love Someone Who is Infertile", Shari Stewart, told me a while back that 90% of the cause of infertility are purely medical reasons. So why don't we talk about it, why do we treat it like a bad word? We talk about cancer and diabetes and every other disorder, syndrome or diagnosis that's out there...but infertility, not so much!
I completely understand it's very personal and emotional, and I think it is a woman's choice whether she wants to talk about it or not...but often times it is the people around the infertile woman that doesn't talk about it or "hushes" the infertile. Some people may just feel uncomfortable about it, they may have their own issues from the past or they may not be very educated on infertility or know what to say. I would bet that most of us know someone that has infertility problems. I can only speak from my personal feelings, but if you don't know what to say or are uneducated about infertility, you don't have to give a profound response or say something that you think might help the person (when really it probably doesn't). You can simply be there to love them, hear them, give them a hug, check in on them , ask how you can help, pray for and with them, etc.
I was reading online and came across a comment on the website http://www.thebump.com/ It had a very interesting comment under the title of "Infertility is not a bad word" (I found this after naming this post the same thing). Here is what it says:
"It is not an accusation.
It is not a label.
It is not a life sentence.
It does not define a woman or man or couple.
It is a medical diagnosis.
Diabetes is not called "Trouble controlling blood sugar", nor is cancer called "difficulty keeping cell division in check."
We say "Infertility!" in badges. We refer to ourselves as "infertiles" in posts.
We already know that we are more than our medical diagnosis - we are students and wives and employees and sisters and daughters and friends and some are even mothers.
But we share a common bond in that we are infertile.
It's OK to say it. It's OK to read it. It is our common struggle against which to take up arms."
I'm not sure if I could of said it better. It is OK to talk about it! It's not a bad word!
There is a great website http://www.infertilitysurvivalguide.com/issues/chapter13.htm and it shows how much God talked about or stories were shared about infertility, there are 300 plus women written in scripture regarding infertility! God certainly had no trouble talking about it. Sarah, Rebecca, Racheal, Hannah, Elizabeth, these are just a few of the Godly women the dealt with infertility. If you have time, take a few minutes to look of their stories.
In the meantime these are the words I hope to shout one day:
"I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him." 1Samuel 1:27
Have a Blessed weekend!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Hope
Hope is the Thing with Feathers
by: Emily Dickinson
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
This is my favorite poem. Some people that know me, know that I recently am attached to anything to do birds (It's not a coincidence that they are on the top right of my page). I love birds on my jewelry, in photographs, in paintings, because a while back I heard this poem and it just clicked. The reason I'm fascinated by birds is because they represent Hope to me. The basis of this poem is that Hope lives in our soul, it speaks to us. Hope keeps us safe and warm and Hope never asks anything of us in return. So, I just wanted to share this poem and maybe it will bring comfort to you as it does to me. There is also a song I love by Idina Menzel called Hope that is very similar to this poem, here is a link to listen, hope you enjoy it. http://vimeo.com/3290847
Have a blessed week!
Have a blessed week!
Friday, January 20, 2012
First Comes Love,Then Comes Marriage, Then Comes....Infertility?
As we all know, the title of this post is not how the song originally goes, but for some of us this is our song. God gave me a new song, one that I wasn't expecting or hoping for but one I've learned to claim none the less. It's really hard being transparent at times when it comes to suffering, but God's word tells us to share our pain and suffering with him and to sing the song he gave us.
- "The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God and I will praise him and exalt him." Exodus 15:2
- "He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God..." Psalm 40:3
- "Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord and all the Earth." Psalm 96:1
- "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, who he has given us." Romans 5:3-5
- "But those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction." Job 36:15
Thank you again all who are praying, Blessings!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Accepting Help While Experiencing Infertility
My husband and many of you reading that know me would agree, I like to be strong and independent, meaning I don't always ask for help. I believe this is a problem many woman experience and going through infertility is not the time to be independent! When people ask to offer prayers or a dinner or a fun day out or even their time (which is most precious) I have learned to start saying yes! It's still hard, starting this blog and even mentioning fundraising here requires a lot of humility. I really feel the need to be humble in many areas of life, look at what scripture says about humbling ourselves.
The first scripture is so beautiful to me and is my favorite about humility:
You never know how much just stopping to share a brief moment with a person will help or inspire or motivate them. Ultimately though the main person I need to go to FIRST is God. I was talking wth a friend today about how we seek answers from other people first and if we only saught him first and listened we may have our answer or peace or whatever it is we are searching for. "But seek first the kingdom of heaven and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you." Matthew 6:33
I have included a website showing an article that I found very interesting and truthful about another couple fundraising for infertility treatment. It is a good read just to educate yourself on the lack of resources for this area of care.Just click below!
The first scripture is so beautiful to me and is my favorite about humility:
- "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2
- "He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way." Psalm 25:9
- "You save the humble but bring low those whose eyes are haughty." Psalm 18:27
- "He mocks proud mockers but shows favor to the humble and oppressed." Proverbs 3:34
You never know how much just stopping to share a brief moment with a person will help or inspire or motivate them. Ultimately though the main person I need to go to FIRST is God. I was talking wth a friend today about how we seek answers from other people first and if we only saught him first and listened we may have our answer or peace or whatever it is we are searching for. "But seek first the kingdom of heaven and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you." Matthew 6:33
I have included a website showing an article that I found very interesting and truthful about another couple fundraising for infertility treatment. It is a good read just to educate yourself on the lack of resources for this area of care.Just click below!
http://www.dailyfinance.com/2010/03/09/baby-or-bust-infertile-couples-turn-to-the-web-to-raise-funds-f/
Thanks for reading, Blessings!
Thanks for reading, Blessings!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Whats this blog all about anyway?
Hello,
My name is Amy and I have been struggling with infertility for a while. Many of you personally know this pain or your heart has become heavy for a friend, family member, co-worker, etc in regards to infertility. This site is simply my journey, what has helped me, what hasn't and my relationship with God through out this experience.
This site will not have medical advice but will sponsor advocating for yourself, suggestions from self and others, literature, feelings and help for family members and friends. The main focus on this blog is going to be surrounding HOPE! As a person who is infertile and has a relationship with God I get tired of hearing nothing but negativity; words like "can't", "won't" and "you'll never." Matthew 19:26 (NIV) contradicts those absolute words with these words "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible". Some days are just bad and its very hard to believe this. This site will share the pain, the questions, the lack of faith, the constant questioning, feelings of being misunderstood, etc.
This is truly a work of the heart. Romans 8:26-28 (MSG) "meanwhile the moment we get tired in waiting, God's spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our significant condition and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." I love this verse and I fully believe it. I will be adding additional scripture on this blog that I or others have found encouraging, hopeful and filled with truth during their infertility journey.
I will also be hosting some fundraisers and selling various crafts to help with the high costs of infertility treatment for my husband and I. Many people do not realize that most insurance companies do not pay for infertility treatment; my husband and I fall into that majority and the costs of fertility treatment are expensive. So you can look forward to seeing some items and fundraising opportunities soon. I also welcome any feedback on fundraising ideas as well. I hope you will enjoy this blog and pass it to others that you think would benefit. Also, I would love to hear your responses to each post, something you say may give a pearl of hope to another person. Blessings!
My name is Amy and I have been struggling with infertility for a while. Many of you personally know this pain or your heart has become heavy for a friend, family member, co-worker, etc in regards to infertility. This site is simply my journey, what has helped me, what hasn't and my relationship with God through out this experience.
This site will not have medical advice but will sponsor advocating for yourself, suggestions from self and others, literature, feelings and help for family members and friends. The main focus on this blog is going to be surrounding HOPE! As a person who is infertile and has a relationship with God I get tired of hearing nothing but negativity; words like "can't", "won't" and "you'll never." Matthew 19:26 (NIV) contradicts those absolute words with these words "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible". Some days are just bad and its very hard to believe this. This site will share the pain, the questions, the lack of faith, the constant questioning, feelings of being misunderstood, etc.
This is truly a work of the heart. Romans 8:26-28 (MSG) "meanwhile the moment we get tired in waiting, God's spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our significant condition and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." I love this verse and I fully believe it. I will be adding additional scripture on this blog that I or others have found encouraging, hopeful and filled with truth during their infertility journey.
I will also be hosting some fundraisers and selling various crafts to help with the high costs of infertility treatment for my husband and I. Many people do not realize that most insurance companies do not pay for infertility treatment; my husband and I fall into that majority and the costs of fertility treatment are expensive. So you can look forward to seeing some items and fundraising opportunities soon. I also welcome any feedback on fundraising ideas as well. I hope you will enjoy this blog and pass it to others that you think would benefit. Also, I would love to hear your responses to each post, something you say may give a pearl of hope to another person. Blessings!
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