I never thought I would use the word Blessed and Infertility in the same sentence. However, I have had the privilege of getting to know women and their stories, both infertile and not, because of this journey. I can now accept, although not always with a happy heart, that God has given me this battle for a reason. I don't think I will know all the reasons quickly, I think I will only see glimpses of them throughout my life. I know that issues involving infertility will always be close to my heart, even after I conceive a baby (because it will happen). I also know Hope's death was for a reason too, because God has a plan and a purpose!
I have so many people to thank for the fundraiser last Friday! First of all, Carrie for opening her house up, Christina for providing such wonderful food and the consultants with Miche (Erin Veasey), Just Jewelry(Gina Karnes) and Jamberry Nails(Melissa Wilder). These consultants gave their time and portions of their own commission for Preserving Hope; If anybody would ever like to host their own party, I highly recommend these women. Most of all I want to say thank you so very much for the women who came and supported me. I'm not just talking about coming and buying something but those who gave me such kind words and hope and prayer. Women I didn't even know came to support this cause, WOW! Thank you just doesn't seem like an adequate word.
Well, Chris and I have been going back and forth to Cincinnati lately, I've been taking many shots of hormones along with other medicine. Chris has been amazing through all of this. As a friend and colleague of mine, who is a doctor, said, "I've given plenty of shots but giving your wife a shot is totally different". Chris has really struggled with having to give these shots and watch my body go through the havoc of all the hormones but he has done anything I have asked because in the end our goal and dream is the same, a baby.
I don't think many people realize how much infertility affects the husband. Though we do not have any male factor infertility issues, this journey has been just as difficult for my husband. He has often placed his own feelings aside to be strong for me, something he has never been asked to do, but does so willingly and unselfishly. Watching your wife make numerous drives and driving with her as well as trying to figure out how to come up with the money and administering medication, watching her cry and grieve while also losing a child in the process is no easy task.
If you know anybody in your life that is going through infertility I encourage you to take the time to also pray for and check in with the husband, who often goes unlooked. I guarantee he is hurting as well and could use any positive support offered. I just want to say thank you so much Chris, you have been everything I have needed during this process and I could not ask for a more Godly husband and best friend.
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails" Proverbs 19:21
Have a blessed week and thank you thank you to all those that have supported Chris and I in some way along our journey.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
A Letter from my Journal
Just thought I share a very intimate piece of me with you all today. I was reading back through my journal that I have kept through this process and I came across a letter that made me smile in some ways...I thought I'd let you have a peek:
2/5/12
Precious One,
Today at Church a man was baptizing his son and he said, "we have prayed for you before you were born". Well, sweet baby I want you to know that your daddy and I have prayed for you since before you were conceived. We have loved you before you were a plan when you were merely a long off dream. We have loved you through every test, every exam, every ounce of bad news, through shots, medication and each second of waiting. You have become our child more and more with each prayer. We will continue to love you through each procedure or doctor visit or drive to Cinicinatti. You are already our child. You are already in our heart and one day you will be in our arms. We love you precious one, Mommy
We still feel this way and fight to stay the course God has for us! Blessings through out your week.
2/5/12
Precious One,
Today at Church a man was baptizing his son and he said, "we have prayed for you before you were born". Well, sweet baby I want you to know that your daddy and I have prayed for you since before you were conceived. We have loved you before you were a plan when you were merely a long off dream. We have loved you through every test, every exam, every ounce of bad news, through shots, medication and each second of waiting. You have become our child more and more with each prayer. We will continue to love you through each procedure or doctor visit or drive to Cinicinatti. You are already our child. You are already in our heart and one day you will be in our arms. We love you precious one, Mommy
We still feel this way and fight to stay the course God has for us! Blessings through out your week.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Keeping Hope Alive...
Hello All,
Chris and I have slowly entered back into the land of the living. I have had a longing to post on my blog for a while now, but when I read my last post it was so sad for me and has kept me at bay for a while. I first have to say Thank You, Thank You, Thank You to all of our supporters. We have had such an outpouring of support and we are so truly grateful for the people in our lives that have prayed, listened, sent food, gifts, and spent many hours consoling us. None of your thoughts and/or actions were over looked once. I feel so blessed when I look at our support group and our surroundings.
If you read the previous post you know that we named our baby, that we miscarried, Hope. It seemed very appropriate and has brought me so much comfort. I still think of Hope often, well daily. I still cry weekly and I talk to God about her and write in my journal to her. Chris has tried his hardest to be strong but he deeply grieves as well and recently admitted that this has affected him more than he ever dreamed something would. We both consider ourselves parents of an angel and even if she just lived in my tummy for a little while, she was precious to me and I will see her again in Heaven. I would have been 17 weeks yesterday.
I am reminded of a song, "Glory Baby" by Watermark that heaven will hold her before we do and she will hear lullabies by angels and never know the troubles of this world, wow, I am grateful for that! Who better to rock my baby to sleep then her heavenly father and the loved ones that have gone before us. Many people may not believe this idea, but we do and not just as a fairy tale but as truth, so I thank you for respecting our thoughts and beliefs.
Well, as hard as it is, we plan to get back onto the fertility track. We needed a break and I'm not sure if we are ready but if we wait to heal completely, that will never happen. Many of you may wonder about our faith. It would be fair to say we have both struggled with God's decision to bring Hope home, but surprisingly he guided us through the whole process and we can not be angry or wonder why anymore. Anger was never even the primary emotion, just hurt, discouragement and wonder. His word says:
"In this world you will have troubles, but take heart, I have overcome the world" John 16:33
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Chronicles 12:9
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" Matthew 5:4
I recently read an amazing book, "Hannah's Hope" in the book, Jennifer Saake wrote It is easy to trust when God's ways mesh perfectly with my plans. But it is only when reality collides with my preconceptions that my faith is tried and proved. This is true for Chris and I, we can not waver on our faith simply because things didn't turn out how we wanted. I know God's plan is bigger and better and I can't wait to see what he has in store for us, we trust it will be amazing.
Again, thanks for hanging in there with us and please continue your prayers and support. With much love in our heart, Amy and Chris :)
Chris and I have slowly entered back into the land of the living. I have had a longing to post on my blog for a while now, but when I read my last post it was so sad for me and has kept me at bay for a while. I first have to say Thank You, Thank You, Thank You to all of our supporters. We have had such an outpouring of support and we are so truly grateful for the people in our lives that have prayed, listened, sent food, gifts, and spent many hours consoling us. None of your thoughts and/or actions were over looked once. I feel so blessed when I look at our support group and our surroundings.
If you read the previous post you know that we named our baby, that we miscarried, Hope. It seemed very appropriate and has brought me so much comfort. I still think of Hope often, well daily. I still cry weekly and I talk to God about her and write in my journal to her. Chris has tried his hardest to be strong but he deeply grieves as well and recently admitted that this has affected him more than he ever dreamed something would. We both consider ourselves parents of an angel and even if she just lived in my tummy for a little while, she was precious to me and I will see her again in Heaven. I would have been 17 weeks yesterday.
I am reminded of a song, "Glory Baby" by Watermark that heaven will hold her before we do and she will hear lullabies by angels and never know the troubles of this world, wow, I am grateful for that! Who better to rock my baby to sleep then her heavenly father and the loved ones that have gone before us. Many people may not believe this idea, but we do and not just as a fairy tale but as truth, so I thank you for respecting our thoughts and beliefs.
Well, as hard as it is, we plan to get back onto the fertility track. We needed a break and I'm not sure if we are ready but if we wait to heal completely, that will never happen. Many of you may wonder about our faith. It would be fair to say we have both struggled with God's decision to bring Hope home, but surprisingly he guided us through the whole process and we can not be angry or wonder why anymore. Anger was never even the primary emotion, just hurt, discouragement and wonder. His word says:
"In this world you will have troubles, but take heart, I have overcome the world" John 16:33
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Chronicles 12:9
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" Matthew 5:4
I recently read an amazing book, "Hannah's Hope" in the book, Jennifer Saake wrote It is easy to trust when God's ways mesh perfectly with my plans. But it is only when reality collides with my preconceptions that my faith is tried and proved. This is true for Chris and I, we can not waver on our faith simply because things didn't turn out how we wanted. I know God's plan is bigger and better and I can't wait to see what he has in store for us, we trust it will be amazing.
Again, thanks for hanging in there with us and please continue your prayers and support. With much love in our heart, Amy and Chris :)
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